Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Article | NaNoWriMo Day 11 - Depression and the Creative Muse

NaNoWriMo Day 11

Depression and the Creative Muse

Yesterday I was going to do my daily post on various styles of writing kind of. It was going to be a compare and contrast between two vastly different yet popular ends of the fantasy spectrum.

I only had time for the inspiration of it.

Yesterday I was hit by a total wall of frustration. Work reached a point were it brought me to tears, and I hid them all day long until I could get home and have a complete melt down. It is not a matter of prioritizing the massive backlog of shit I have to get caught up on at work, as opposed to who the fuck is going to do all of this crap for me.

Consequently this has affected my writing. Funny how dips into depression leave you feeling so low you can't even be creative. That's how it leaves me feeling anyways. I feel drained. Like I have no energy and all I want to do is sleep. But I can't seam to find my way out of this mess. I need a job. I need money. I can't work for less, and heck I can barely survive on what I am making. Their are some very sad truths out their. Writing for me is my release. It is my escape and my way out of hear, out of this dark place. I understand that people don't make it in the writing industry, I get that. But if I never try I will never know. I am terrified though of trying and having it not be good enough. Because what then? What other recourse do I have? Do I accept that my life will be one crapy job after another?

Right now, I am ahead on my word count for NaNoWriMo. Enough so that I will only be hitting small word counts until the weekend rolls around. Then I will have a bit more mental clarity and be able to hammer out the word count and really get on a roll with my story.

Also, it looks like I am at that point in my story, were other stories are starting to look sexier, and shinier. Like I really want to start this novella idea about reading as an addiction and cyborgs.

Oh and I had a huge plot flash yesterday. I am going to have Pirates in my book. I know it is terribly cliched. But I adore Pirates. Positively love them. And because I do I know I should turn away from this idea and file it in the cheesy over used section. But I can't. I adore them so much I am willing to overlook this obvious huge flaw and indulge my inner child, because you know what. Work sucks, and I have this and I will use this for all the happy I can get out of it.


Shawn Gray said...

Keep on chasing that goal Pisces. I'll let you in on a little secret of the writing industry: everyone get rejected, a lot. The rejections last for a long time before you finally get that acceptance letter. It's best not to dwell on them, and just keep trucking ahead. I've got a good handful of them here, and not an acceptance to be found. Yet.

They come eventually, when your ability in the craft has reached that point, where your work is polished enough to make the difference you want it to. Until then, it's all practice... The first 10,000 pages are exactly that, practice (or is it hours? meh). Just keep pushing, keep trying to get better at it, and keep submitting the work after you feel its been edited enough, and some day, you'll get that magic ticket, the acceptance letter and the cheque.

Good luck with the NaNo novel. I hope to see you bringing the challenge you presented me. I know how work sucks, trust me, I see enough crap myself. Just hold on, and keep pushing along.

Anonymous said...

Right there with you on the crappy job front, just a little older and a little more beaten down. My only ray of sunshine in the vast grey sea of my here-and-now is that I can retire in 3.5 years. I know I can't wait till then to do what I want to do, but your point about depression stifling creativity is so true. Sometimes I find I just don't care, but I really really do! It's just that I'm so exhausted mentally, physically, and spiritually that I begin to feel like I don't. Well, enough of this rant ~ as your last commenter said, keep on chasing the dream, because without it ... well, life goes on, I guess, but without much joy. Good luck with your NaNovel!

Book Minstrel said...

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. I am really looking forward to some dedicated writing time this weekend. I need to get some scenes and areas finished so that I can really get the ball rolling with NaNoWriMo.